What's Wrong with My Marriage?
Want to know what’s wrong with your marriage and how to fix it?
In today’s blog and video, I will share with you 3 powerful life coaching techniques to help you evaluate the health of your marriage and whether or not you need to infuse healing into your relationship.
If you clicked on this blog, there’s a part of you that knows something just doesn’t feel right in your relationship.
Just like when you go to the Dr., they check all your vitals and ask you how your are feeling and what brings you to the appointment, we will be doing the same thing.
First we check in, then we evaluate and lastly build a plan of action.
Question for you: How often do you listen to your intuition?
I don’t know about you but I have gut feelings about things all the time.
When something doesn’t feel right.
When a person isn’t being 100% honest.
Or even when you can feel that a situation or place is unsafe.
Your intuition is your internal barometer for the state of your life and your marriage.
But we don’t always listen to our intuition because:
- We doubt its accuracy
- We doubt its validity
- We fear just don’t trust our own internal voice
I don’t blame you for not always trusting your intuition but your intuition had you click on this video.
A part of you knows there is something off with your marriage.
Which is why in today’s blog and video, I am going to teach you some powerful coaching techniques you can use in your marriage to:
- Get clear on what’s wrong with your marriage
- Figure out a way to improve the health of your marriage
- And give you the tools you need to stay on top of the health of your marriage so things don’t get away from you in the future.
In the interest of time, I’m going to share the coaching techniques I use in my practice but I won’t be able to get into them in full detail.
If you want me to cover any of these techniques in further detail in a future video, let me know in the comment section below.
First thing is first.
Do not make assumptions about what’s wrong with your marriage.
We see everything in our reality through a filter of the past.
This filter can distort the reality in front you.
Are you getting value from my tips so far, hit the LIKE button and let’s move on to the next concept I want to share with you.
Here’s what I suggest you do first before making any assumptions about what may be wrong with your marriage.
GET CLEAR ON WHAT IS HAPPENING IN YOUR MARRIAGE:
- WHAT’S ACTUALLY HAPPENING? [TAKE A TEMPERATURE OF THE SITUATION].
- HOW OFTEN IS IT HAPPENING? [IS THIS A ONE-OFF OR IS IT A CONSTANT?]
- WHAT IMPACT IS THIS HAVING ON COMMUNICATION, ROMANCE AND ATTRACTION IN YOUR MARRIAGE?
Once you are clear about WHAT IS THE REALITY in front of you, you have the opportunity to step forward and acknowledge what is happening.
Acknowledging is only shedding light on the situation.
There is no blame in acknowledgement.
Acknowledgement creates CLARITY.
And clarity is QUEEN.
3 Life coaching techniques to help you figure out what’s wrong with your marriage:
- Utilize active listening;
You are listening to understand. This is generally challenging to do because with requires you to be present and quiet the internal dialogue happening in your head.
It requires that the listener fully concentrate, understand before responding and then repeat what your partner has just said.
- Ask open-ended questions;
Open-ended questions gives your partner the freedom and space to answer in as much detail as they like, too. Extra detail really helps to qualify and clarify their responses, creating more accurate information and actionable insights for you.
For example do not say:
- What the hell does that mean!?
- What the heck is wrong with you?
- What you can say is:
- When you got upset, what feelings were real for you?
- What came up for you?
In this way your partner can verbalize and articulate whatever emotions came up for them which will give you some insight into how they feel.
- Giving constructive feedback;
Giving constructive feedback allows you an opportunity to list the things your partner is doing right in the relationship. Giving constructive feedback creates a verbal acknowledgement of this things your partners IS DOING RIGHT which immediate reframes negative interactions and turns them into a “gifting” moment.
Sometimes, we give feedback in the form of criticism which discourages more of that positive behavior.
For example, when your partner takes out the trash:
You can say, “I noticed you took out the trash, thank you so much for taking care of that. It’s so helpful to have support around the house”.
You know you took out the trash on the wrong day which is going to really stink up the garage!
Feedback can either be constructive or destructive. You can choose how to acknowledge the action taken by your husband.
If you want to ensure that your husband never does anything around the house again, tell him how he did it wrong.
We can’t always know what’s wrong with our partner without asking them.
But sometimes, when we ask our partner WHAT’S WRONG?, they say “NOTHING”.
Leaving us back to the reason you are here to begin with.
It reminds of this great quote that I want to share with you.
“Leadership is hard to define, and good leadership even harder. But if you can get people to follow you to the ends of the earth, you are a great leader.”– Indra Nooyi (Former CEO, PepsiCo)
Remember, you may not always have the answers but you can lead your family by being a good example and stepping forward in life with love.
Thanks so much for being here! See you again soon.